Dating in the 21st Century can be extremely complicated. Some of us just opt-out all together, and hope and pray that the perfect man will come and rescue us from our self-imposed exile from the sex, lies and text messages of love. Battle torn, we retreat to our bedrooms and beg God to bring us that man that we want. “You know God, that handsome man with no debt, no small kids, his own house and a job with benefits.” Instead of retreating or waiting on that perfect man to find us, we should resolve to learn from our foolish mistakes and commit to be smart about dating. But, if you are Smart, Grown…and Sexy, you have come to know there are rules to this. Check out the article below: 5 Pillars of Dating for the Smart, Grown and Sexy Generation.
Our beloved Dani is here with some key tips for you Goodwives! The 5 Pillars of Dating Let’s look at a few of the “Do’s and Dont’s” of dating in 2013. See if you agree. This is not an exhaustive list, these are what we call the main pillars. Comment below to add some other key advice you’ve gotten that works.
DO Your Research
I’m very serious about this. You need to treat dating as if you are an employer. You are looking for the best candidate for the job. I would suggest using websites like http://www.instantcheckmate.com/ to check out a potential “candidate”. It’s about $20 a month but we shouldn’t put a price on our piece of mind. And if you think this is a little too invasive then just ask questions. Ask the right questions. Ask about their background. Ask about plans for the future. This is just part of getting to know someone and that’s what dating is for.
DON’T be Desperate
I see a lot of woman out there that will do just about anything for a date. This includes using their bodies to get what they want. I’m not saying not to have sex. We are all adults. But don’t sacrifice your good judgment and self-respect for a free meal. No man is worth that. If a man takes you out to a nice dinner that does not earn him a free rump in the bedroom. It happens, but there’s a very slim chance that your one night stand will turn into a respectable, long lasting relationship, the odds are against you. And the whole purpose of dating is to find loving relationship that could lead to marriage. Don’t sell yourself short. So for starters, and this is a BIG one: If your really smart, you would take married folks out of your dating database. This comes out of the wisdom section of: Don’t Start None, Won’t Be None.
DON’T Ignore Red Flags
This is huge for me. I have been known to have a red flag, or two hit me in the face and pretend like it never happened. I think we ignore the signs because we genuinely want a particular situation to work out. In the end we can lose ourselves and forget what really matters. If a man has a hefty bank account but you notice early signs of aggression, what good is the money going to do you if he controlling and abusive? It’s not worth it. Many women who are living an outwardly flashy lifestyle in a home with an abuser, would gladly trade for a typical home, decent school system, a mini-van and some PEACE. Peace of mind, peace of soul, peace of time. Pay attention to the signs. But also…don’t go looking for things that aren’t there making wild conclusions about things you really do not know. That would be self-sabotage and could ruin a good opportunity.
DO Love Yourself
There’s a saying. “If you don’t love yourself how do you expect to love anybody else”? You have to know yourself inside and out. You need to treat yourself as you would your own child. You are your own boo. No one is going to take care of you better than you. Once you start to love yourself and learn who you are then you will begin to understand what it is you want and don’t want in a relationship. Understand your insecurities and where they stem from. What are your weaknesses? What are your strengths? Date yourself and see how much you learn.
Do Practice Patience
This world of microwave, drive-thru, quick and easy, no time required should not apply to your love life. How many times have you rushed something only to have to go back, do it over again, slow down, take your time and pay attention? It’s an easier and less painful lesson when we are talking about driving directions, or home projects. When it comes to matters of the heart, these lessons are much more painful. Save yourself the pain of regret, and the stress of self-doubt. Take your time and do it right.
I cannot say that I am an expert on dating. I have been at this for a while. I think I am finally learning what it means to “date smart”. Like you, I’m a work in progress. I’m finding that dating someone new, while exciting and fun, can also be scary and frustrating. The most important rule for dating is to date with a purpose. Don’t date just for the sake of dating. Don’t date just to say you have significant other. Don’t waste your time dating a man if you don’t see him as husband material. What’s the point of dating if there is no endgame? What’s your endgame? Think about it. Take the time to find out what you want and proceed with caution. Protect your heart but don’t guard it too closely. You still want the right person to penetrate those walls and show you the love and affection you deserve.
Comment below on the best dating advice you’ve ever heard.